Wednesday, May 5

it only ends once. anything that happens before that is just progress

A tl;dr prologue.

So this is my second concerted effort to lost weight with a lowcarb diet. My first came back in 2005. I lost 80lbs that time in what ended up being the perfect storm of weight loss. I had a spiffy new diet, I had a job that required a ton of physical activity, and I was dating someone I was in love with. Everything just kind of fell into place.

However things changed when he left for iraq. I came to realize that he wanted a life that I could never be part of, and we parted ways. The whole experience left me heartbroken and jaded. I decided I was not going to go through that again. And aside from a few speedbumps, I really haven't. But every safeguard, every protection, every comfort comes at some sort of price. And I guess I was always waiting for that moment, that epiphany, that person, or that experience that would all at once lift the veil and reverse those walls I built to protect myself.

But I've come to accept that life isn't a movie, and there isn't always one shining moment of clarity that causes big change. Sometimes, it's just small concerted efforts and a desire for change that are what can alter the path one has chosen to walk upon. I try to make my life a place of joy, and to find things to appreciate in every moment. I am not discontent by any means, I just feel like I should be wanting more. Contentment isn't all it's cracked up to be.


Sharon said...

Relationships are funny things. You break up with someone - you eat. I got divorced - I ate. I married my 2nd husband - I ate. I was at my heaviest after 5 years of marriage. See, even the knight in shining armor can't rescue us from ourselves. We must reach a place in life where we want to lose weight for ourselves, not to please others. I know you're on the right path and you can do this.

Al (losingharry) said...

I can be an emotional eater too. Our emotions go crazy and the only comfort we have is food especially when the one of the closest people to us is not there anymore. Let's hope that this is the last battle and in 5 years you won't have to write about how you once lost weight in 2010.

~HoneyB~ said...

Great post Twon. Contentment is a double edged sword. Were taught to be happy with where were at. Were told that being fulfilled in the moment right where you stand and acceptance is the best way, but I wonder.

I think life and happiness is kinda like an oyster. Without that bit of sand. Just the smallest point of agitation you'd never, and I mean never get a beautiful pearl. Youd have a content oyster without the sand and agitation, but all along it was capable of so much more.

Just find your grain of sand, and you'll produce your pearl :)

Twon said...

@Sharon Thanks! Yeah, my weigh loss goals are really to be healthy. As i'm into my 30's now I realize that losing the weight will only get harder as I get older (or so they say) so best get it done now.

@Al Yes, i'd like to look back at 2010 as the time I lost a bunch of weight and kept it off!

@HoneyB Thanks! Yeah, I'm starting to find the contentness and comfortableness are really an illusion, as we spend so much time in fear of losing those things. But nothing is permanent, so why not be proactive with happiness and try and guide it where i want it to go.

Big Clyde said...

My heart goes out to you this morning, Twon. You are dealing with some tough feelings and questions that we all have to face. It feels so much better when we are just "in the zone" and trucking along.

But you can't get there without these moments and questions. Introspection is healthy and always leads to more understanding. Stay at it, my brother and try to start looking forward as well.

Tricia said...

Isn't it weird how when we're dieting, the time seems to go by really slow. But the five years between diets seem to just fly by? It took me like 7 years to even start focusing on dieting again after I lost a lot of weight initially on Atkins. It sure doesn't seem like it's been that long, but the weight just creeps back on and suddenly you wake up one day and everything hurts and you realize how bad it got. Almost like all at once. I hate that.

Realizations suck!

Here's hoping the next five years will be full of awesomeness and good times! Also, I didn't think it was tl; for the record.