Friday, April 30

I can't shake this little feeling I'll never get anything right

Well, after this weekends diet blunder, I still managed to lose 4lbs this week (15lbs total). So that's something.

My appetite seems to have dimished as I predicted it would. The compulsion to be eating at all times has been replaced with actually eating when I get hungry. I still eat plenty when I do eat, but that's ok. This isn't to say I don't crave sweets, but I'll get some sugar free sweets in time.

For now, I settle for a cup of lemonade once a day (lemon juice, water, 3 splenda) to cut my sweet urges. It's actually quite yummy!  It makes for decent break snack with my pickles. Yeah, mealtimes are typically omelets for breakfast, pickles and lemonade for snack, salads for lunch, and then my extravagant meat cheese yum dish for dinner. I look forward to more dieting leniency in the next few weeks!

My coworker tagged pics of me on Facebook yesterday. Ug! I work very hard to protect the mental image I have of what I look like, and don't want it spoiled with evidence to the contrary! But then I was told I looked a little thinner yesterday too, so I'll call it a wash :)

Wednesday, April 28

we never are what we intend, or invent

So this past weekend I was terrible! I did that thing I only do maybe 4 or 5 times a year, and got rocked off my ass drunk. And then I ate like 3/4 of a large dominos pizza at 1am. I didn't plan on drinking hard alcohol, it was bought for me as to throw off my poker skillz! (Long story)

Usually eating and drinking water are my preventative measures to avoid hangovers, but I think I gave myself a carb hangover lol Then Sunday was the "I feel like crap and screwed up yesterday so I might as well enjoy my screwup and make it a weekend!" and went for chinese on Sunday. It's a horrible voice, the "you're already going to have to recover so you might as well make the most of being bad" mentality. So now I live with that, I just got back into Ketosis yesterday and I just leveled out from before the weekend. I'll be lucky if I lose a lb this week.

*slaps forhead* I should've had a V8.

Monday, April 26

(I still hate the corn industry more)

Having been Vegan for a time, being on a low-carb diet sometimes feels like a deal with the devil.

I have meat guilt, always have. Maybe I should look into shopping for local options for such things. At least I'll be supporting the evil industries less.

Friday, April 23

trusting my soul to the ice cream assassin

So my mother is a problem. She is one of my biggest roadblocks towards weight loss. Just being around her causes me a weird mix of emotions that I'm quick to eat away. So it goes that our family affects us in a way that nothing else can, but I acknowledge that changing my behavior is only 50% of the solution. I'm going to have to try and change some of hers. Ok, I take that back. You can't change other people, but I can at least not let her bad choices affect me.

You think -I- eat for comfort or recreation!  She's very quick to say "well, we'll be bad today and eat terrible things and go back to doing better tomorrow". Which is fine occasionally, but she does it every week. She believes the lie of "tomorrow". I used to.

She just has a lot of sadness and loneliness, and so much of her personality has changed as she's gotten older (she's almsot 70). I guess I'm just scared of the inevitable loss of her (physically or mentally).

my first image enclosure! woot.

OK, so I see lots of people use and love http://www.sparkpeople.com/ but my question is, have any of you ever actually looked at the website? It makes my eyes bleed! :) It's so busy!! and orange. Feel free to sell me if you'd like! If so many people use it, it must be good.



full steam ahead

Weigh-in morning. So I lost 7lbs this week! Which makes 11lbs in 11 days. Man, what I would give to lose a pound a day until I reached my goal weight! Of course, as I already know, once my body learns to burn ketones more efficiently that will stop. But I lost 3-4lbs a week regularly the last time. Of course I exercised like woah last time. I'll talk about the last time someday.
Also, wow with the comments on my last post. Glad I fixed that lol Double Downs for all!

Thursday, April 22

The Double Down Disaster

So yesterday I did something that left me feeling dirty and sinful.

I ate a Double Down sandwich from KFC for dinner. It's like they wrapped shame and stigma into a delicious ball of arterial plaque. I was watching tv the night prior with my friend Megan and the commercial came on and i said "I bet I could totally eat the grilled one!". Website confirmed this at 3 carbs each.

So it was totally all I could think about since I found this out. I'm just so excited to have an "eating out" option I can just get and eat. But eating that crap isn't really part of my "healthier" low carb agenda. I'm trying to eat mostly fish, tofu and chicken (not from the evil industry). I coupled it with some broccoli and cheese. I'm learning to love broccoli!

Tomorrow is weigh-in. Hoping for good things to keep me motivated. Wish me luck!

Sunday, April 18

stuck at work

Well it's 5 days into low carb'ing on Saturday. I almost freaked out because I got stuck doing a double at work, and I was hungry as I didn't plan on staying there for 16 hours and take out is much less viable an option now. So I ended up getting a Willow Tree Chicken Salad salad from my local eatery (extra scoop of chix salad). Man, it was effing delicious!

So, I do a bad thing and I weigh myself everyday (even though they say not to). It's only official on weigh-in day as far as i'm concerned. but I was shocked I lost 3 lbs for one day of eating less and doubling my exercise. It just makes me realize exercise would seriously help my cause at this juncture.

*shakes angry fist at exercise*

Friday, April 16

not so anonymous anymore

apparently I've picked up a few followers. Excellent! It was pretty quiet here all by myself I was starting to realize.

Well i've lost 4lbs since in the last 4 days. Low carb always did like me. Of course, given the ton of weight ive got to lose, its not too big an accomplishment lol The real accomplishment is in the trying.

I've been working out menu's to make low carb a healthier option. I eat poorly (alot of take out, pizza, etc) so in eating more fish, tofu, chicken salad and veggies i think it's actually better for me. I'm trying to do it with as little greasy red meat as possible. I have low carb dieters stigma! Even though I lost like 80lbs on it the last time I did it. It was life reasons and not diet reasons I went off track. I just needed my crutch back.

Tuesday, April 13

extreme measures

That's it. My appetite / mental issues are making dieting so difficult that I have been pushed to the edge.

I am re-embracing the low carb lifestyle.

Sunday, April 11

cause I am living just to breathe

I am hiding from some beast
But the beast was always here
Watching without eyes
Because the beast is just my fear

that I am just nothing
Now its just what I've become
What am I waiting for

Its already done  -The Bravery


Some days, the pain is harder than others. Nothing like waking up from a dream that ruins your day so early on. It's like a whole new subset of sad.


I'm going to take shower. Maybe it'll turn this morning funk around.

Thursday, April 8

Reboot

Well this week seems to be going better diet wise. Which, of course, has made me horribly grumpy lol Being poor is an equal contributor. I just have to get through the next 2 months and I'll be ok, I just kick myself for not saving money. Plus healthier food is expensive. I guess being grumpy or stressed sometimes comes with feeling feelings. Hopefully ill have lost some weight tomorrow from my Monday restart to make myself feel better.

I'm adapting to being hungry once and while. They say "if you're dieting correctly you should never feel hungry".

That's bullshit. They lie!

Tuesday, April 6

regrouping

so it appears Megan has moved her wedding up a notch ( or a year) and while its a low key event now, it does create a life marker. Rather than fumbling aimlessly towards unimaginable weight loss, it gives me a nice little 6 week window to squeeze weight loss into.

Not that I'm going to lose hundreds of pounds in 6 weeks. But it will be like a game, to see what I can do in that timeframe. Ugh, stupid dieting. Grumblecakes. Guess I'll have to look at that whole "exercise" thing at some point. Another post, another day.

Weigh out

So thanks to a Bacon Macaroni and Cheese pizza, Chinese with mom on Sat, and then Easter, dieting up to this moment has been a massive failure! Like, I think I gained a pound or two. I'm ok with it though, I think I learned something. Maybe?